写给你 我部落格的第一篇华文文章 我部落格的最后一篇

我只是从来都不知道。原来，我也有那么婆妈的时候。其实，也只不过是写篇文章，我还在犹豫。也许，我担心你看文章的反应。答应我！看了后，别有任何猜想。好吗？

不知道是几时开始，更不知道是什么时候…… 我很不小心的将一切都复杂化。对不起！一切是我的错。你会原谅我吗？还是……其实，你把这一切，都不当成一回事？

我不知道该从何说起~应该是那天晚上吧~我问你：我察觉到我们的感情有问题了~你的回答是：我只是突然觉得我跟xx和yy很谈得来~其实，那时的我，顿时愣了。我心想：一定是我做错了些什么。一定是！一定是！~我却从来没有察觉：原来，这一次是我的察觉让我出了问题。

我尝试在改！我努力在改！无论如何，我都仿佛得不回你的真挚。你在我心中有一定的地位。为了证明我没有看走眼，我努力追寻，却总是无法挽回。~我太迟了吗？是因为我没有经验，而不懂得怎么维持吗？

阴差阳错还是刻意安排或者是纯属巧合?我们靠近了些。终于做了这种决定，别人怎么说我不理，只要你也一样的肯定。

事情发生了。我们不是说好要坦白吗？为什么你不喜欢我的事是由第三个来告诉我？当时的我真的好失望。我开始逃避，不敢面对。我只好假装看不到，看不到我们的问题。我只好假装我听不到，听不到一切的嘲笑。

其实，我还是很在意的。你说的话，你留的留言，我总在留意。只是身份不一样了。我走不近了。我找不到，我到不了，那种所谓的真挚。

别人说：你讲我是个很情绪化，粗俗，差劣的人
别人说：你讲我自以为是
你有吗？我相信：你没有！

其实，你都没错啊！是我太自私，太不懂得人言险恶，太不了解人情。

我还在改

我有了一个新的名字

我知道回不去从前，但我希望能展望未来。

好吗？

Rickie Ang

Love Rickie

Days come and go... I find out that there are many weakness in valentime... he is too stubborn... or he is too selfish... he is too pessimistic... but is it your duty to tell him that it is his weakness??? isn't it???? he is irresponsible... he push all his fault to the others...

That is why i love Rickie so much... At least he will be not tired on grabbing the success...

Rickie Ang...

Remember Rickie

Just suddenly feel like hate valentime so much... Haha... Many people don't even know who is valentime... He is not important anymore... If you know him, can you please forgive him and forget him??? And... Of course... Remember Rickie Ang please....

Rickie Ang...

New Identity

If you know me well... you have discovered that i am having a new identity... The new identity means everything to me... He means new life for me... He means everything should have an end... Include this blog... Include my e-mail address... Include my old style thinking... I hope that you can accept my new identity...
by calling me... Rickie Ang...

I just feel like crying

I just don't know why... I want to cry... but I hope that people know that I am crying... In such a way, they will stop accuse me...

I just don't know why... I want to cry... but I couldn't find a suitable shoulder for me... Does it mean that it is a suitable time for me to cry???

i believe you...

I heard so many that you talk about me... the words are so cruel...

I ignore them...

it is just simply because...
I BELIEVE YOU

It is all about CHEMISTRY...

someone(probably is Xavier)says: biology is about the mental and mind. Physics is about physical things. and CHEMISTRY is the one who link both the two things together.(i think i have changed it a bit)

i totally agree to this... lets imagine... you are a small particle... making friends is like carrying reaction with them. but... not everyone can react with you... there are many reasons why you can react with them... your own structure( personality)... your temperature(temper)... your concentration( will )... your pressure ( action )... and the one that you cannot control.... the catalyst( fate or accident )

ya... catalyst is fate... Fate will arrange who do you will to meet.
yes... catalyst is accident... You will the one accidentally...

now... i want to have an aggressive reaction... perhaps is an explosion... my temperature is high... my concentration is corrosive... my pressure can kill anybody... and... I want to add the catalyst... but i am still waiting the catalyst to come...

i don't know what will happen after this reaction... so... you must stop the catalyst from coming... i hope that the catalyst is added from your hand...

The Fifa Worldcup Final…

Wow~~~ This is the first time that I enjoy football match. Yeah… I don’t support any particular team. So I don’t feel any special. Haha… You may think that I am stupid… How will the match become interesting if you don’t have any constant stand…
Yes… I don’t want to have any idea on it. Of course!!! But also my point of view… I learn that if I don’t want to have any opinion… I don’t need to feel sad… but I also lose the feeling of happy…
Losing the feeling of happy is such a pity… Ganz shade… Abe ich gewohnt sich zu diesem Gefühl... weil ich will nicht traurig sein... Haha... Ich gewohnt sich zu dich, zu deine Gewohnheit... Ich weiß dass ich um dich kummere... Lass die Zeit alles erweisen...

The last day of the half year...

30th june... It is the last day of the half year... It is just a normal day... Nothing special... Nothing is worth to be remembered...

However, it prove that a half year has passed... What I have done??? What I have accomplished??? I am not so sure... but I am sure that I am sad because of a guy... haha... Tired on the sad feelings... But I still can't find something to be happy...

Until yesterday, a day of meeting new friend. A happy chat last few hours. It is a true chat. A day of upgrading of level, from friend to become brother. I don't why. Why the friendship between you and me will come the stage today. I don't why he and I can speak happily. Is it because we are still new to each other. I really enjoy such a feeling, the feel of being pampered. I haven't being pampered for such a long time. ( Only he know the case) Thanks a lot. Thanks for sending me the file. Thanks for willing to be friend with me. Except a Thanks. I don't know what to say. Thanks dawei_Hopper.

it is just a normal chat... but it warms my hearts...

even though i have decided my decision. although i have console myself with thousands of consolation. the thing is still stick to me. i don't know why. i want to let it go. but it always appear in my mind. i understand that let go doesn't mean forget. however, when it pokes out in my mind, i will be very sad. i will blame myself. no matter how hard i face it, i just can't be happy.

sometime, i wonder, who are really my companion. "companion". this words is better than "friend". companion is the one who will accompany you in your life. on the other side, WHO IS "FRIEND"???

YA!!! i know! there are friends around me. but what i need is companion. the one who can accompany me in my walking life. i always know and clear about who i am. i don't mind you are leaving. but when you sentence me to a death penalty, can you tell me why??? please give me lame excuse to entertain me. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME WITHOUT A REASON!!!

i am really in a deep sad but i act like happy. i want to cry but i smile. i talk but my heart is shutting up.

until now, i really know that a chat have a strong power. moreover, it is just a nonsense chat. so sorry to say talk it is a nonsense talk but we are just talking empty only. 23rd June, we talk from 9.15pm to 11.00pm. a 1.75hours of non-stop chatting. it is just an empty chat. it is just a normal chat. we don't bring up any bombastic words. but it warms me. i feel every single part of my body. every of my single cells starts to have temperature. it just warms my heart.

after the chat, i say thanks to this particular friend. he say,"dun mention it". at first, i don't really get his meaning. finally, i understand. do you know that a real true and simple friend doesn't need a thanks???

i really appreciate it. i want to maintain this kind of friendship. i am afraid to take a further step as i worry that i will bring trouble to it. i just want to hold this kind of relationship and keep it in my bottom of heart.

TO THE ONE WHO MAY CONCERN
PLEASE!!!
KEEP IN TOUCH...

don't forget!!! just let it go...

i am that kind of stupid person. i am doing my best to remember others good. of course! and bad too. sometimes i feel tired. but tired doesn't sound good to others. i thought: if i am tired, i can regain my energy after having a good sleep. however, not everything can recover just because the time...

am i doing wrong??? or am i too care on you??? i am very care until i will relate every single of your scolding words to me. may be i am guilty. may be i really did something wrong. no one can give an accurate answer. even you. because i feel like i don't trust you anymore. is it still my fault??? ya.. probably. as it is me who don't show on you. i should not sad ass you have said that the men is not me. but... why??? why i am still sad for it???

i am happy because i am sad. because i am really be true my emotion. because i am really be true to you. because i really care about you. because i really can't find a good reason for me to say why...

i won't forget this particular case. i won't forget what i have done that would let me think so much. because... only by remembering it, i will become more mature. i will not sad because of you next time... i will just let it go... because i know... let go doesn't mean forget. it is a way for me to grow up...

different people different way...

i am always taking things seriously. perhaps it is. finally, today, i got an answer how to face it properly...

i am too stubborn. many people told me that i have cared about friendship too much. when you reach a new environment, find only one true,real, and simple friend. one is more than enough. unfortunately, i can't. i always think that it is my fault. probably, i have too many weak points. that is why others could have a close friend but i don't...

today is a grown up day. finally, i got the answer today. actually, i got so many close friend. friends in different state, different form and different way. state means level. many things got its own level. games got level. study got level. even society gt its level. men are so selfish. we will automatically put people that we know in different level. form does not mean body shape. it means way of thinking. we become friend because there are some kind of thinking from us is the same. way means the method that we treat our friends. the above two things affect way.

i got many friends in different level. secondary school's friends as a level. they were limited by the secondary school's topic. i do have some close friend there. i always hope that i could be brought back there. however, the friends there were being prohibited. not much friend can cross over the level.

recently, i wrote in my friends facebook (vincent lew). making friends is not a matter of tolerance. it is a matter of understanding. we can be friend to anyone. because we have some same thinking. of course. everyone have his own deflects. so, if you are his friends. you the key of the locks. you can help him to open the lock from his heart. if you could not, why he need you as his friend??? tolerance will make you angry in the end. but understanding would not. instead understanding make you know him better.

level limited me to have topics with my friends. understanding let me know my friends.both of these affects me how to treat my friends. so, there is different way for different people. therefore, you can blame me that i am wearing mask when facing different people. i admit that i am. this is because i respect the way of treating friends. if you don't respect it. you will get hurt.

i find a new way to treat the friends who don't like me. keep quiet and doing still. you can say that i am stupid. as this will let them keep hating me since i do nothing. you are wrong! doing still and doing nothing are two different thing. since they are not my key. why should i care about them???

Start a new life

haha...

it is very stupid to say that starting a new life... we all are only having one time in this world...how can i say that i m starting a new life???

starting a new life means that i want to change...

i want to change to be more simple... many people say that i m thinking too much... am i

??? may be... or else... i wouldn't because other people words in the wall post n sad for few days... i don't to think about it anymore... live happily for myself is the most important... why should i be sad for others... they might not appreciate for it...

haha... i am learning a new language.... deutsch... so... my english level is worser day over day... in order to improve it... this blog would be my place... my own place.... the power of self-learning is unpredictable... therefore... you wouldn't see a short-form words here... however... you will find out grammar error here and there... of course... at the same time... deutsch is also being practiced here...

if you know me... i am fat guy... i have tried so hard... i want to slim down... if you would like to join me... leave me some comment...

starting a new life is not easy... new means changing... changing is a progression... however... changing too much is losing who you actually are... nevertheless... please don't worry... if i am changing too much... i am sure that i will change to a better one...

i am very eager and hoping so much...