The last day of the half year...

30th june... It is the last day of the half year... It is just a normal day... Nothing special... Nothing is worth to be remembered...

However, it prove that a half year has passed... What I have done??? What I have accomplished??? I am not so sure... but I am sure that I am sad because of a guy... haha... Tired on the sad feelings... But I still can't find something to be happy...

Until yesterday, a day of meeting new friend. A happy chat last few hours. It is a true chat. A day of upgrading of level, from friend to become brother. I don't why. Why the friendship between you and me will come the stage today. I don't why he and I can speak happily. Is it because we are still new to each other. I really enjoy such a feeling, the feel of being pampered. I haven't being pampered for such a long time. ( Only he know the case) Thanks a lot. Thanks for sending me the file. Thanks for willing to be friend with me. Except a Thanks. I don't know what to say. Thanks dawei_Hopper.

it is just a normal chat... but it warms my hearts...

even though i have decided my decision. although i have console myself with thousands of consolation. the thing is still stick to me. i don't know why. i want to let it go. but it always appear in my mind. i understand that let go doesn't mean forget. however, when it pokes out in my mind, i will be very sad. i will blame myself. no matter how hard i face it, i just can't be happy.

sometime, i wonder, who are really my companion. "companion". this words is better than "friend". companion is the one who will accompany you in your life. on the other side, WHO IS "FRIEND"???

YA!!! i know! there are friends around me. but what i need is companion. the one who can accompany me in my walking life. i always know and clear about who i am. i don't mind you are leaving. but when you sentence me to a death penalty, can you tell me why??? please give me lame excuse to entertain me. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME WITHOUT A REASON!!!

i am really in a deep sad but i act like happy. i want to cry but i smile. i talk but my heart is shutting up.

until now, i really know that a chat have a strong power. moreover, it is just a nonsense chat. so sorry to say talk it is a nonsense talk but we are just talking empty only. 23rd June, we talk from 9.15pm to 11.00pm. a 1.75hours of non-stop chatting. it is just an empty chat. it is just a normal chat. we don't bring up any bombastic words. but it warms me. i feel every single part of my body. every of my single cells starts to have temperature. it just warms my heart.

after the chat, i say thanks to this particular friend. he say,"dun mention it". at first, i don't really get his meaning. finally, i understand. do you know that a real true and simple friend doesn't need a thanks???

i really appreciate it. i want to maintain this kind of friendship. i am afraid to take a further step as i worry that i will bring trouble to it. i just want to hold this kind of relationship and keep it in my bottom of heart.

TO THE ONE WHO MAY CONCERN
PLEASE!!!
KEEP IN TOUCH...

don't forget!!! just let it go...

i am that kind of stupid person. i am doing my best to remember others good. of course! and bad too. sometimes i feel tired. but tired doesn't sound good to others. i thought: if i am tired, i can regain my energy after having a good sleep. however, not everything can recover just because the time...

am i doing wrong??? or am i too care on you??? i am very care until i will relate every single of your scolding words to me. may be i am guilty. may be i really did something wrong. no one can give an accurate answer. even you. because i feel like i don't trust you anymore. is it still my fault??? ya.. probably. as it is me who don't show on you. i should not sad ass you have said that the men is not me. but... why??? why i am still sad for it???

i am happy because i am sad. because i am really be true my emotion. because i am really be true to you. because i really care about you. because i really can't find a good reason for me to say why...

i won't forget this particular case. i won't forget what i have done that would let me think so much. because... only by remembering it, i will become more mature. i will not sad because of you next time... i will just let it go... because i know... let go doesn't mean forget. it is a way for me to grow up...

different people different way...

i am always taking things seriously. perhaps it is. finally, today, i got an answer how to face it properly...

i am too stubborn. many people told me that i have cared about friendship too much. when you reach a new environment, find only one true,real, and simple friend. one is more than enough. unfortunately, i can't. i always think that it is my fault. probably, i have too many weak points. that is why others could have a close friend but i don't...

today is a grown up day. finally, i got the answer today. actually, i got so many close friend. friends in different state, different form and different way. state means level. many things got its own level. games got level. study got level. even society gt its level. men are so selfish. we will automatically put people that we know in different level. form does not mean body shape. it means way of thinking. we become friend because there are some kind of thinking from us is the same. way means the method that we treat our friends. the above two things affect way.

i got many friends in different level. secondary school's friends as a level. they were limited by the secondary school's topic. i do have some close friend there. i always hope that i could be brought back there. however, the friends there were being prohibited. not much friend can cross over the level.

recently, i wrote in my friends facebook (vincent lew). making friends is not a matter of tolerance. it is a matter of understanding. we can be friend to anyone. because we have some same thinking. of course. everyone have his own deflects. so, if you are his friends. you the key of the locks. you can help him to open the lock from his heart. if you could not, why he need you as his friend??? tolerance will make you angry in the end. but understanding would not. instead understanding make you know him better.

level limited me to have topics with my friends. understanding let me know my friends.both of these affects me how to treat my friends. so, there is different way for different people. therefore, you can blame me that i am wearing mask when facing different people. i admit that i am. this is because i respect the way of treating friends. if you don't respect it. you will get hurt.

i find a new way to treat the friends who don't like me. keep quiet and doing still. you can say that i am stupid. as this will let them keep hating me since i do nothing. you are wrong! doing still and doing nothing are two different thing. since they are not my key. why should i care about them???

Start a new life

haha...

it is very stupid to say that starting a new life... we all are only having one time in this world...how can i say that i m starting a new life???

starting a new life means that i want to change...

i want to change to be more simple... many people say that i m thinking too much... am i

??? may be... or else... i wouldn't because other people words in the wall post n sad for few days... i don't to think about it anymore... live happily for myself is the most important... why should i be sad for others... they might not appreciate for it...

haha... i am learning a new language.... deutsch... so... my english level is worser day over day... in order to improve it... this blog would be my place... my own place.... the power of self-learning is unpredictable... therefore... you wouldn't see a short-form words here... however... you will find out grammar error here and there... of course... at the same time... deutsch is also being practiced here...

if you know me... i am fat guy... i have tried so hard... i want to slim down... if you would like to join me... leave me some comment...

starting a new life is not easy... new means changing... changing is a progression... however... changing too much is losing who you actually are... nevertheless... please don't worry... if i am changing too much... i am sure that i will change to a better one...

i am very eager and hoping so much...