I just feel like crying

I just don't know why... I want to cry... but I hope that people know that I am crying... In such a way, they will stop accuse me...

I just don't know why... I want to cry... but I couldn't find a suitable shoulder for me... Does it mean that it is a suitable time for me to cry???

i believe you...

I heard so many that you talk about me... the words are so cruel...

I ignore them...

it is just simply because...
I BELIEVE YOU

It is all about CHEMISTRY...

someone(probably is Xavier)says: biology is about the mental and mind. Physics is about physical things. and CHEMISTRY is the one who link both the two things together.(i think i have changed it a bit)

i totally agree to this... lets imagine... you are a small particle... making friends is like carrying reaction with them. but... not everyone can react with you... there are many reasons why you can react with them... your own structure( personality)... your temperature(temper)... your concentration( will )... your pressure ( action )... and the one that you cannot control.... the catalyst( fate or accident )

ya... catalyst is fate... Fate will arrange who do you will to meet.
yes... catalyst is accident... You will the one accidentally...

now... i want to have an aggressive reaction... perhaps is an explosion... my temperature is high... my concentration is corrosive... my pressure can kill anybody... and... I want to add the catalyst... but i am still waiting the catalyst to come...

i don't know what will happen after this reaction... so... you must stop the catalyst from coming... i hope that the catalyst is added from your hand...

The Fifa Worldcup Final…

Wow~~~ This is the first time that I enjoy football match. Yeah… I don’t support any particular team. So I don’t feel any special. Haha… You may think that I am stupid… How will the match become interesting if you don’t have any constant stand…
Yes… I don’t want to have any idea on it. Of course!!! But also my point of view… I learn that if I don’t want to have any opinion… I don’t need to feel sad… but I also lose the feeling of happy…
Losing the feeling of happy is such a pity… Ganz shade… Abe ich gewohnt sich zu diesem Gefühl... weil ich will nicht traurig sein... Haha... Ich gewohnt sich zu dich, zu deine Gewohnheit... Ich weiß dass ich um dich kummere... Lass die Zeit alles erweisen...

The last day of the half year...

30th june... It is the last day of the half year... It is just a normal day... Nothing special... Nothing is worth to be remembered...

However, it prove that a half year has passed... What I have done??? What I have accomplished??? I am not so sure... but I am sure that I am sad because of a guy... haha... Tired on the sad feelings... But I still can't find something to be happy...

Until yesterday, a day of meeting new friend. A happy chat last few hours. It is a true chat. A day of upgrading of level, from friend to become brother. I don't why. Why the friendship between you and me will come the stage today. I don't why he and I can speak happily. Is it because we are still new to each other. I really enjoy such a feeling, the feel of being pampered. I haven't being pampered for such a long time. ( Only he know the case) Thanks a lot. Thanks for sending me the file. Thanks for willing to be friend with me. Except a Thanks. I don't know what to say. Thanks dawei_Hopper.

it is just a normal chat... but it warms my hearts...

even though i have decided my decision. although i have console myself with thousands of consolation. the thing is still stick to me. i don't know why. i want to let it go. but it always appear in my mind. i understand that let go doesn't mean forget. however, when it pokes out in my mind, i will be very sad. i will blame myself. no matter how hard i face it, i just can't be happy.

sometime, i wonder, who are really my companion. "companion". this words is better than "friend". companion is the one who will accompany you in your life. on the other side, WHO IS "FRIEND"???

YA!!! i know! there are friends around me. but what i need is companion. the one who can accompany me in my walking life. i always know and clear about who i am. i don't mind you are leaving. but when you sentence me to a death penalty, can you tell me why??? please give me lame excuse to entertain me. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME WITHOUT A REASON!!!

i am really in a deep sad but i act like happy. i want to cry but i smile. i talk but my heart is shutting up.

until now, i really know that a chat have a strong power. moreover, it is just a nonsense chat. so sorry to say talk it is a nonsense talk but we are just talking empty only. 23rd June, we talk from 9.15pm to 11.00pm. a 1.75hours of non-stop chatting. it is just an empty chat. it is just a normal chat. we don't bring up any bombastic words. but it warms me. i feel every single part of my body. every of my single cells starts to have temperature. it just warms my heart.

after the chat, i say thanks to this particular friend. he say,"dun mention it". at first, i don't really get his meaning. finally, i understand. do you know that a real true and simple friend doesn't need a thanks???

i really appreciate it. i want to maintain this kind of friendship. i am afraid to take a further step as i worry that i will bring trouble to it. i just want to hold this kind of relationship and keep it in my bottom of heart.

TO THE ONE WHO MAY CONCERN
PLEASE!!!
KEEP IN TOUCH...

don't forget!!! just let it go...

i am that kind of stupid person. i am doing my best to remember others good. of course! and bad too. sometimes i feel tired. but tired doesn't sound good to others. i thought: if i am tired, i can regain my energy after having a good sleep. however, not everything can recover just because the time...

am i doing wrong??? or am i too care on you??? i am very care until i will relate every single of your scolding words to me. may be i am guilty. may be i really did something wrong. no one can give an accurate answer. even you. because i feel like i don't trust you anymore. is it still my fault??? ya.. probably. as it is me who don't show on you. i should not sad ass you have said that the men is not me. but... why??? why i am still sad for it???

i am happy because i am sad. because i am really be true my emotion. because i am really be true to you. because i really care about you. because i really can't find a good reason for me to say why...

i won't forget this particular case. i won't forget what i have done that would let me think so much. because... only by remembering it, i will become more mature. i will not sad because of you next time... i will just let it go... because i know... let go doesn't mean forget. it is a way for me to grow up...